Director: Michael Bay (The Rock, Armageddon)

With advance word from the States complaining about its violent and politically incorrect tone, I was looking forward to seeing this follow-up to Bad Boys (1995). Sadly it fails to deliver much beyond a few humorous moments and some gory mayhem.

The plot involves drug smuggling, underworld double-crosses, cops causing civil unrest, car chases, angry police chiefs, a blatant Jackie Chan stunt rip-off, and a loved-one being taken hostage by the baddies. In other words, the same old clichéd fucken shit. The movie is also pretty goddamn long at 147 minutes, but it has the following redeeming features: some bloody gun fun including two great bullet-time sequences, an okay hip hop soundtrack, Henry Rollins, cool cars, numerous ghoulish scenes featuring corpses and bodily dismemberment, some all-too-brief T&A content, and Peter Stormare as a Russian nightclub owner and crime boss.

Will Smith and Michael Lawrence were even more tedious this time out, spending most of the movie either shouting at each other, or shouting at their police chief boss (played by Joe Pantoliano), or shouting at criminals, both dead and alive. The elaborate gun battles and car chases failed to generate any suspense, and the subplot about Marcus leaving the partnership simply gave the guys something to talk about between action scenes. I actually had some microsleeps during the slow parts.

When an amplifier's volume is turned up too high, everything starts to distort. Michael Bay and Jerry Bruckheimer tried to amplify a minor concept with a budget of $130 million US. The message for anyone still game enough to watch Bad Boys II is: prepare to block your ears. The most frustrating thing is that I tried like buggery to enjoy the film on some level, any level. The fact that even someone with my varied tastes failed to bond with this annoying, sloppy picture says a lot. Disappointing.